Professor Hazard's Terrible Blog

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Slowpoke are commonly found at the water's edge.

Sometimes everything about a dream can be all wrong, but in the end it's somehow just right.

In the beginning, I was fishing. I was near another guy, but he didn't mind the company. (Was he my grandfather? I've always held a grudge that he took my brother fishing and not me.) As I cast, I landed something big, which I assumed was a piece of debris under the water. So I gave it some slack to float away from the debris, and pulled again - but it was a catch, all right, and a big wide mouth came out of the water. With a mighty yank, I managed to pull what I thought was a huge bass out of the shallow inlet, but it turned out to be a Slowpoke - a very realistic Slowpoke, which looked more like a pink water bear. And the longer it was out of the water, the more it dried up from its original housecat-like size into a small, skittering miniature version! I pulled my DSi from its holster and immediately began snapping pics, but never got one that would have been good enough for Professor Oak.

As I went into the marina, I began to realize that I was at a very crappy Pokémon theme park; crappy as in low quality, but I was never discontent in feeling while I was there. I passed by a group of three people my age, one of whom had ordered the Slowpoke Tail from the place's diner. It was really just a foldover with some ham and cheese inside. As I sat with the people, I mentioned that this place would be a lot better if they had a Team Rocket section of the park, and was informed that I was sitting in it. Sure enough, Rs had been half-assedly painted all about to infer that this was the Team Rocket area. I also overheard a female hostess saying that there would be a Team Rocket impressions contest in about five minutes.

The whole area was just folding tables in a cheap "party room" type layout, so I gave the hostess some suggestions about how to improve it, which were taken good-naturedly. I then ordered myself a Slowpoke Tail, went outside where it was now raining, and got in a van with my family. My dad turned to tell me that some old thing or another had gone wrong, something about a key being mailed back to us, so we would have to go to a place. But I didn't care, and woke up with a smile on my face.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Who is the Monster and Who is the Man

Who is the Monster and Who is the Man

I laugh every time I get to the final panel of this comic, and at the end of the day, I guess that's what really matters. Wait, it isn't? SHIT