Spur of the Moment Responsibility

Responsibility makes me crumple like a cat with a sock draped across its back. But if the same task I am asked or expected to do is thought of on the spur of the moment, I can jump right out the door and get to it - because I love the idea of surprising people. But there are no surprises with routine expectations. I wish I could find a way of doing things that people want me to do, in a way that made me felt like I was being a sly little so-and-so by doing them.

These Colors Can't Run

The old United States of America is dead, but we keep Weekend at Bernie's-ing it, hoping that nobody will notice. But let's face it - rigor mortis has passed, and it's starting to stink in here. We faced a simple choice regarding our country's future - morality or comfort - and I think we all know which one we chose.

This is my political comic for the year. Did it do anything for you?

Raise Your Hand if You've Done This

Listen, you take on certain responsibilities when you wear a man's emblem on your head. One of those is listening to my banter whilst I make bears. What am I supposed to do, sit there quietly? Read a book?

What's that squealing noise...?

Today, while stopped at a red light, I heard this odd, high-pitched squeal. I began to wonder; is it a fan belt? Axles shouldn't be squeaking while I'm stopped... I looked down at the chihuahua resting in the crook of my arm. Was the dog squeaking? I pulled on his stretchy skin to see if the squeaking would get louder, but he just looked at me, confused. Then I looked to the right and saw the car full of women, aged fifty to fifteen, who were staring into my car and squealing, faces full of joy. I set Quiero down on the seat so he could look out the window at them, and the squealing intensified. I began to become intensely aware of how long a red light can last. For a short time, I knew what it was like to be a celebrity.

When I got home today, I saw what happens when a UPS truck breaks down. We saw the truck with its hood open on the way to work, but when I got back I saw that a second truck had joined it - presumably to take its payload - and a tow truck was rolling up to the two of them. Who ever thinks about a UPS truck breaking down?

Sword Crashers

I tried to make a video playback of this drawing, but since it took something like six hours, the resultant file was so big it was crushed under its own weight. Despite that, please enjoy.

What I'd like to do, but lack the resources

I worked up a little three-panel comic today, that I ended up being discontent with because I couldn't make it look just how I wanted.

PANEL 1 (Brainfreeze sits at a bar, depressed): So I robbed the 7-11 earlier.
PANEL 2 (Brainfreeze extends hand menacingly): As I was leaving, I pointed at the girl behind the counter and said "Have an ice day."
PANEL 2 (Bartender, off-panel): Didn't Schwarzenegger say that in Batman and Robin?
PANEL 3 (Brainfreeze even more depressed): That's what she asked.

ALT TEXT: For a supervillain, this is basically like contracting cancer.

The more I hammered at it, the more I thought: Damn, this would be so much easier to do - and so much better to look at - if instead of drawings, I just used photographs. Had people dress up as supervillains and do a photo comic strip about the trivialities of their lives.

It would be easy to do, it would be fun to do, it would be fun to read. The setup is the only hard part. The costuming and the hiring of people to play the part. But that "only hard part" is sufficiently hard that the project will never get off the ground. GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE...

Quiero!

I recently inherited a chihuahua. His name was "Mickey", but that name kind of sucked so I changed his name to "Quiero" (as in "Yo quiero Taco Bell"). Since they both have the "kee" sound in them, he has taken to it easily. Now if we could just teach him to pee in the proper place, he'd be a real joy to have around. Luckily, his bladder and bowels are only about the size of a walnut.

I weigh four-hundred and forty-eight pounds this morning, which is about 25 pounds away from where I started my current diet regimen. It feels good to be under 450. I don't know when the last time was that I weighed this little (literally, I don't remember). Why, in a hundred more pounds, I'll be able to safely use most exercise equipment!