Gettin' Bushy

My wife threatened to beat me if I didn't make this comic, after I pitched the premise to her. I don't think it's that great, but she laughed so hard she pooped a little, so.

What's that squealing noise...?

Today, while stopped at a red light, I heard this odd, high-pitched squeal. I began to wonder; is it a fan belt? Axles shouldn't be squeaking while I'm stopped... I looked down at the chihuahua resting in the crook of my arm. Was the dog squeaking? I pulled on his stretchy skin to see if the squeaking would get louder, but he just looked at me, confused. Then I looked to the right and saw the car full of women, aged fifty to fifteen, who were staring into my car and squealing, faces full of joy. I set Quiero down on the seat so he could look out the window at them, and the squealing intensified. I began to become intensely aware of how long a red light can last. For a short time, I knew what it was like to be a celebrity.

When I got home today, I saw what happens when a UPS truck breaks down. We saw the truck with its hood open on the way to work, but when I got back I saw that a second truck had joined it - presumably to take its payload - and a tow truck was rolling up to the two of them. Who ever thinks about a UPS truck breaking down?

Quiero!

I recently inherited a chihuahua. His name was "Mickey", but that name kind of sucked so I changed his name to "Quiero" (as in "Yo quiero Taco Bell"). Since they both have the "kee" sound in them, he has taken to it easily. Now if we could just teach him to pee in the proper place, he'd be a real joy to have around. Luckily, his bladder and bowels are only about the size of a walnut.

I weigh four-hundred and forty-eight pounds this morning, which is about 25 pounds away from where I started my current diet regimen. It feels good to be under 450. I don't know when the last time was that I weighed this little (literally, I don't remember). Why, in a hundred more pounds, I'll be able to safely use most exercise equipment!