Gettin' Bushy

My wife threatened to beat me if I didn't make this comic, after I pitched the premise to her. I don't think it's that great, but she laughed so hard she pooped a little, so.

November Arts

Doesn't really seem like a lot, but then again it's certainly more than most people accomplish in a month, art-wise. Plus, November still has a couple of weeks left in it.

Some days I'm ready to throw in the towel.

It's gotten bad these days, people.

If you understand basic arithmetic, you're a NERD. If you can spell at a fifth-grade level, you're a GRAMER FAG. At some point, it became all right for people to not only become appallingly under-educated morons, but proud ones at that. For the most part, they seem to demand the right to ignorance. God help you if you show the slightest hint of adequacy, because these tuber-creatures from the anus of humanity will give you an earful over it.

I don't want to send my kids to school with these dumpster babies. I don't even know what to think about the horrifying idea of them running the world when my generation is too enfeebled to do so. I tell myself that maybe every generation is like this. Maybe every generation thinks the next one down is so stupid that it will leave the world a shambles.

What kills me is their sense of entitlement. OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEIR, THEY'RE AND THERE? No, dipshit, I think that that is something a child should understand. Maybe if you didn't stub up and act like I just called you a racial slur because I implied that you should be as smart as the janitors were in my high school - maybe if you took five goddamn seconds to commit to memory how to spell words, and why they should be spelled that way - but no. You've got some kind of right to acting like...

You know what, I think I'm just going to walk away from this article before it ends with gunfire

Spur of the Moment Responsibility

Responsibility makes me crumple like a cat with a sock draped across its back. But if the same task I am asked or expected to do is thought of on the spur of the moment, I can jump right out the door and get to it - because I love the idea of surprising people. But there are no surprises with routine expectations. I wish I could find a way of doing things that people want me to do, in a way that made me felt like I was being a sly little so-and-so by doing them.

These Colors Can't Run

The old United States of America is dead, but we keep Weekend at Bernie's-ing it, hoping that nobody will notice. But let's face it - rigor mortis has passed, and it's starting to stink in here. We faced a simple choice regarding our country's future - morality or comfort - and I think we all know which one we chose.

This is my political comic for the year. Did it do anything for you?

Raise Your Hand if You've Done This

Listen, you take on certain responsibilities when you wear a man's emblem on your head. One of those is listening to my banter whilst I make bears. What am I supposed to do, sit there quietly? Read a book?

What's that squealing noise...?

Today, while stopped at a red light, I heard this odd, high-pitched squeal. I began to wonder; is it a fan belt? Axles shouldn't be squeaking while I'm stopped... I looked down at the chihuahua resting in the crook of my arm. Was the dog squeaking? I pulled on his stretchy skin to see if the squeaking would get louder, but he just looked at me, confused. Then I looked to the right and saw the car full of women, aged fifty to fifteen, who were staring into my car and squealing, faces full of joy. I set Quiero down on the seat so he could look out the window at them, and the squealing intensified. I began to become intensely aware of how long a red light can last. For a short time, I knew what it was like to be a celebrity.

When I got home today, I saw what happens when a UPS truck breaks down. We saw the truck with its hood open on the way to work, but when I got back I saw that a second truck had joined it - presumably to take its payload - and a tow truck was rolling up to the two of them. Who ever thinks about a UPS truck breaking down?